The First Day Of The Next 5 Months Alone

Yesterday, that smile faded and many tears flowed. What many didn't realise is that it would be this day I would say "see you soon" to my darling husband leaving for his third tour of duty. Only those who are in the same situation would truly understand how it feels to let the love of your life walk in to the distance and travel to somewhere that seems like a completely different world to fight what feels like an endless war.
 I try to think back to our last tour and wonder how I felt back then, there are things I sit here and think "oh I definitely felt this way then" but truth be told.. I feel completely different about this tour than I did the last and my feelings about it are so different.
 I woke up this morning, put on a brave face and told myself everything was going to be okay and that he would be home before we know it.. Little did I realise  just how much I would truly think about this whole situation once I had put my daughter to bed. She keeps my days short but filled and happy with those never ending smiles. Having time to think only makes you realise how much your partner misses out on.
 I often wonder what it would be like for us as a family to live a different lifestyle to the army, would we be the way we are now? Would we be happy like we are now? Would we still be the people we are today? My honest answer to that.. No, we wouldn't. As much as I hate the constant time apart for courses and these tours, I wouldn't change the way our life is, I love every part of it. Each bit of time away makes you grow stronger both as an independent person and as a couple. My husband is my rock and although its going to be tough without him for the next five months and this realisation of how very different life is when he's not here is a huge kick up the rear end I know that we will sail through this and come out at the other end even stronger than we were when he left.
 Keeping these tears held back is a battle on its own, especially at the beginning, that is the hardest part. I'll sail through this next few weeks and live on being a rock for my soldier when he needs me however much I myself will be needing a shoulder to cry on because I know that each e-bluey and parcel I send will be opened with a huge smile and he will always know that we are going to be sat waiting with open arms for him upon his return.
 From the moment that you know they are ready for their flight until the moment you get that first phone call from them at the other end just to say "I'm here, I'm safe and I'll call when I can" is a waiting game, one where you don't want to do anything because your not sure of when they are going to call and are so afraid of missing it and not knowing when the next contact would be. It seems that from now on, this tour and this war will rule my life. I fall asleep each night with my laptop by my side, my mobile under my pillow and the house phone on my bedside, at least if he calls or messages there's a chance I'll hear it.
 Tomorrow will be a new day, I have to wake up, put on another brave face, false smile and proceed with my day, hoping that maybe at some point I will have that call and hear his voice, if only just for a few moments. Its that few moments that I will truly treasure until the next call...